Doctor, Doctor

Earlier this week my bestie and I "took" my mom to the doctor. She has been having some crazy trouble with her knees and, as it ends up, has a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis. :( But at least she knows now...don't get me started on her other crazzzzy doctor who should be punched....in the face.

Other than that, we all had a pretty good day. I was sick, yet again, and was feeling under the weather. Actually, no...we did not have a pretty good day. It was HILARIOUS. Here's the thing: anytime my friend and I are together we normally can get into some sort of trouble, but then you add Diva T (my mother) into the mix and that "trouble" gets bumped up about three notches.

Destinee and I walk into this waiting room at 9:00am and realize what we had gotten ourselves into. This was an old people world if I had ever seen one. I felt like I had gone to visit my grandmother in the nursing home. I don't have a grandmother in a nursing home. THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS. It was weird when we first got there. Time warp. The chairs were a weird shade of beige, the walls were a pale green, there was like this weird Native American-like wall paper boarder around the room. The place was scattered with a few senior citizens and I felt like I was 5. It was a weird place, then my mom gets us laughing at all the oldies in there. That's when SHE got to leave. Destinee and I had already volunteered to wait the 2 hours while she was being poked and prodded before we knew the waiting room would be filled to the brim with old people.

Before I move on, here's my disclaimer: I love old people, really I do. Ask my grandparents. Go ahead.


The morning drew on and my sinus head got bigger, I got sleepier, and therefore both agitated and giggly.


There were several different oldies that I'll tell you about,  but first read the text message conversation that we sent each other throughout the morning.


D: This lady behind us is stating at us
(This was when my mom kept making us laugh. A lady was hanging her stuff on the coat rack...I thought that was always just for show.)
B: Shes looking at us??
D:YES hard starring
B:Girl please. Get like us.
D:This tv thing is on my last nerves
(I think this was about the time my mom left and then all we had to listen to was the annoying and slightly outdated TV. Luckily I brought a book.) 
B: That old man looks dead
(I really do love old people, but he really did look peaceful.)
D:Heck yes
B:I thought she was gonna sit by me!!
(Some lady and her husband with a crazy hat. Not the first, nor the only man with a crazy hat. They all looked like outdated pimps.)
D:I love his hat
(the aforementioned pimp hat)
B: Oh yes ha
D: I am bout to cut her if she don't cut that mess out
(A younger woman had walked in, abruptly, sat down and began texting on her cell. The only problem was that she had the key tones on and every time she pressed a button a cheap "ding" would sound. People like this gives my generation a bad name. She got a couple of mean granny-snarls from the lady across the isle and for a while the laughing-stare woman looked away.)
B: For real
D: You are not the only one in her put it on mute
B:Silent that text ha
D: She was on some fb
B: What!?!?! *****
D: Yup
B: Awweweewwe
D: Nanny next to you is cracking me up with her Christmas stuff
(At this point, the room was so full of older citizens, people had awkwardly began to sit next to each other. I hate this part of waiting rooms. She was cute though. No harm.)
B: Readers Digest 
(She brought it from home...just saying.)
D:What?
B: That's what she was reading haha
D: No I was talking about her out fit
B: That too crute socks
(Santa socks and a matching...well shirt, pants, sweater, purse.)
B: I need to blow my nose. I am gonna run to the car.
(I know, I know...but I did not want to edit this out. It was part of our day. I like like poop.)
B: Thanks
D: Old people can find anything to talk about
(We eves dropped on some CRAZY conversations. For instance, I know the older Asian couple in there had apparently made the day "Doctor Visit Day" and spent $115 at their previous appointment. She also had forgotten her glasses at home that day, bummer, and had to borrow his...He was getting his blood work back from the lab that was next door and she was just keeping him company and making sure he did not fall down if their was any ice. The first visit had been for her... This was my morning, People.)
B: Sho can
D: That man smells so bad 
(Before you judge this statement, it was not like Old Man stench...It was so much more. Actually when he and his wife walked in, another woman asked him if he smoked. He replied yes. She replied "Well I can smell it." Destinee's eyes just about popped out of her head...but they ended up talking about a smoke detector. Again, I was not feeling so well. This was also when Destinee began to give her out-of-the-nose-huff that signals when she is really agitated. The smoker man sat right behind us.)
B: uhbgdasdgfaks
B: The sun is not shining
(A lady dressed all in red was wearing white-rimmed sunglasses the entire 2 hours I was there. Who knows if she was waiting on someone, or if she was just really early. I would venture to say she was Mrs. Clause  helping out with the Naughty or Nice list.) (I have never seen so much red in one room in all my life. Old people take Christmas Cheer to a whole new level.)

Free, Free At Last. My mother was my hero that day, not because of all the normal, cool things she does for us, but simply because she got me away from all those old people. After that, I needed a nap. They rubbed off on me.