Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Shock Therapy

The weekend before Thanksgiving, my dad scored some sweet company tickets to a concert in ATL. Then Christmas rolls around and one of my dad's co-workers gives him a game for his gift and adds, "After meeting your wife and kids, I thought you guys would enjoy this." A unanimous 'awwww', right?

Here's how the game is played. Two to four people grab a hand controller, you press the button in the middle, and wait for the button to turn green. Once the center button turns green, you press the small button on your hand controller and whoever buzzes in last gets a shock. Yes, that's right. A shock...of electricity.

Why in the world would someone think my family would enjoy this? Actually, we can't put the thing down. We Lofton's are apparently hard core.

I have recently taken to documenting things that go on in my daily life, mainly because I find some readers simply don't believe me. Thank goodness for the iPhone, right!


Here is documentation that we are crazy. Please excuse the Redneck accents, foul language, butt-crack glimpse, etc. Electricity people.



Come over any time. We even have the Billingsley's participating.

Follow Me.

Normally I have a really intense New Year's Resolution that I go ahead and PLAN to stop about January 16. Not this year. My Resolution is to have over 100 followers on SoCo by my birthday: March 20th.

Don't worry. It's not my only resolution :)

SO...if you read, or even if you don't...press the "follow" button at the top of this page and fill out a little bit of info! Help me out :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Old Man hits Lofton Chic

A young woman who lives in my house (not me) got some fabulous new Christmas clothes from Santa and her...we'll just call him her boyfriend... She came out looking so chic today for our lunch date.

Though I am apparently not allowed to use her Name or show her Face, here is what her outfit:
When I saw her I shrieked in excitement because, well, she looks fabulous. Good combo of color, not too matchy-matchy, nice use of bling vs. grunge. She worked. The only thing I could have added was a cool hat or like a purple, un-ironed plaid and she would have looked like she belonged in Little 5. No bragging, but she's related. :)

But then, suddenly, I flipped my head or blinked or something and I saw OLD MAN. Flash and then it hit me. This girl just mixed all of my grandfather's favorite wardrobe selections together...well not my grandfather, but someone's I am sure.

I'll break it down for you.

First we start with the sweater. Through all of these examples, I went to Google, typed in "old man sweaters" and so forth. Here's what I found for old man sweater:
 
Color variance, sure. But, in reality Victoria's Secret stole their winter line from your grandpa. Even this cardi you could do a lot with. Simply Classic.

The UGG boots in the top photo are very popular, but they always have been.
Then there's that blinged out white watch and look what was on the first page of the Google search:
I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but my grandfather actually does wear the same brand white t's that this young lady is sportin' in this picture.

My analysis? We women have gotten smart. Although I am a FIRM believer in cute over comfort, we have taken over the cool, laid back look of our fathers'. Apparently heels are out and men socks are in. Oh yes.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Doctor, Doctor

Earlier this week my bestie and I "took" my mom to the doctor. She has been having some crazy trouble with her knees and, as it ends up, has a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis. :( But at least she knows now...don't get me started on her other crazzzzy doctor who should be punched....in the face.

Other than that, we all had a pretty good day. I was sick, yet again, and was feeling under the weather. Actually, no...we did not have a pretty good day. It was HILARIOUS. Here's the thing: anytime my friend and I are together we normally can get into some sort of trouble, but then you add Diva T (my mother) into the mix and that "trouble" gets bumped up about three notches.

Destinee and I walk into this waiting room at 9:00am and realize what we had gotten ourselves into. This was an old people world if I had ever seen one. I felt like I had gone to visit my grandmother in the nursing home. I don't have a grandmother in a nursing home. THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS. It was weird when we first got there. Time warp. The chairs were a weird shade of beige, the walls were a pale green, there was like this weird Native American-like wall paper boarder around the room. The place was scattered with a few senior citizens and I felt like I was 5. It was a weird place, then my mom gets us laughing at all the oldies in there. That's when SHE got to leave. Destinee and I had already volunteered to wait the 2 hours while she was being poked and prodded before we knew the waiting room would be filled to the brim with old people.

Before I move on, here's my disclaimer: I love old people, really I do. Ask my grandparents. Go ahead.


The morning drew on and my sinus head got bigger, I got sleepier, and therefore both agitated and giggly.


There were several different oldies that I'll tell you about,  but first read the text message conversation that we sent each other throughout the morning.


D: This lady behind us is stating at us
(This was when my mom kept making us laugh. A lady was hanging her stuff on the coat rack...I thought that was always just for show.)
B: Shes looking at us??
D:YES hard starring
B:Girl please. Get like us.
D:This tv thing is on my last nerves
(I think this was about the time my mom left and then all we had to listen to was the annoying and slightly outdated TV. Luckily I brought a book.) 
B: That old man looks dead
(I really do love old people, but he really did look peaceful.)
D:Heck yes
B:I thought she was gonna sit by me!!
(Some lady and her husband with a crazy hat. Not the first, nor the only man with a crazy hat. They all looked like outdated pimps.)
D:I love his hat
(the aforementioned pimp hat)
B: Oh yes ha
D: I am bout to cut her if she don't cut that mess out
(A younger woman had walked in, abruptly, sat down and began texting on her cell. The only problem was that she had the key tones on and every time she pressed a button a cheap "ding" would sound. People like this gives my generation a bad name. She got a couple of mean granny-snarls from the lady across the isle and for a while the laughing-stare woman looked away.)
B: For real
D: You are not the only one in her put it on mute
B:Silent that text ha
D: She was on some fb
B: What!?!?! *****
D: Yup
B: Awweweewwe
D: Nanny next to you is cracking me up with her Christmas stuff
(At this point, the room was so full of older citizens, people had awkwardly began to sit next to each other. I hate this part of waiting rooms. She was cute though. No harm.)
B: Readers Digest 
(She brought it from home...just saying.)
D:What?
B: That's what she was reading haha
D: No I was talking about her out fit
B: That too crute socks
(Santa socks and a matching...well shirt, pants, sweater, purse.)
B: I need to blow my nose. I am gonna run to the car.
(I know, I know...but I did not want to edit this out. It was part of our day. I like like poop.)
B: Thanks
D: Old people can find anything to talk about
(We eves dropped on some CRAZY conversations. For instance, I know the older Asian couple in there had apparently made the day "Doctor Visit Day" and spent $115 at their previous appointment. She also had forgotten her glasses at home that day, bummer, and had to borrow his...He was getting his blood work back from the lab that was next door and she was just keeping him company and making sure he did not fall down if their was any ice. The first visit had been for her... This was my morning, People.)
B: Sho can
D: That man smells so bad 
(Before you judge this statement, it was not like Old Man stench...It was so much more. Actually when he and his wife walked in, another woman asked him if he smoked. He replied yes. She replied "Well I can smell it." Destinee's eyes just about popped out of her head...but they ended up talking about a smoke detector. Again, I was not feeling so well. This was also when Destinee began to give her out-of-the-nose-huff that signals when she is really agitated. The smoker man sat right behind us.)
B: uhbgdasdgfaks
B: The sun is not shining
(A lady dressed all in red was wearing white-rimmed sunglasses the entire 2 hours I was there. Who knows if she was waiting on someone, or if she was just really early. I would venture to say she was Mrs. Clause  helping out with the Naughty or Nice list.) (I have never seen so much red in one room in all my life. Old people take Christmas Cheer to a whole new level.)

Free, Free At Last. My mother was my hero that day, not because of all the normal, cool things she does for us, but simply because she got me away from all those old people. After that, I needed a nap. They rubbed off on me.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jersey Shore comes to Spanish class

A huge Spanish test is coming up and my professor is going over some grammar that has been particularly complicated for most of us; for once, I am beginning to get it :)

To begin with, she was saying questions out loud to the class and we were, in turn, supposed to answer. Even as a full class, we were getting them wrong. Slowly she would explain that we were all wrong, yet again, and then start over with the instructions. She wrote diagrams on the board (in Spanish...but I won't criticize her teaching habits...), made up cute little sayings (again in Spanish...just to be clear), and finally the class as a whole started doing better.

My teacher progressed to calling on individual students and at one point the majority of the class raised their hands. She called on a girl at the front and the girl repeated back the correct response. Ding, Ding...we were getting it.

There is a nice guy who sits a few seats back from me. He's real funny and pretty good at Spanish. After the girl at the front answered her questions, my teacher looks past me and asks if the boy had a question.

"?Pregunta?"
The guy says, "Oh no. I got the answer right. I was just fist pumpin' to my success."

The class bursts into laughter and all my professor managed to say is, "Bueno" with a huge, confused smile on her face.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Redneck Thanksgiving

There is a certain pride and joy that I have from being born in Mississippi. Mostly there is the is that southern-pride thing and the joy that my dad got us the hell out of there. No matter, I am from a VERY small town in Mississippi and most of my family lives there. I love going home because I love my family, no matter how insane they are sometimes :)

Thanksgiving is also my favorite holiday probably because I have so much to be thankful for...and the food. This Thanksgiving we went "home" and although I was sickly, we still had a wonderful time. I knew I would have lots to blog about with my family around and this story is only about an hour of my Redneck Thanksgiving. More to come :)


The men in my family scare people just by their gruff nature and their strong/silent type of mood. My grandfather, Earnie, is no different, except for that silent part. I am always trying to talk him in to giving me his truck, but alas this never happens so this Thanksgiving I asked if he would teach me to drive the [white] truck that hauls the horse trailer.( Every year he takes his horses and dogs up to South Dakota and stays at a house of his up there. Old man stuff....and he just got back) Of course, he couldn't deny my request.

 My sister and I along with my dad and grandfather go outside in the wet and he tells us to load up. My sister and I cram into the front seat: we don't like the back. Kristen finds a cowboy had and slaps that on, starts searching through his junk (she found a ring and a GPS), and as I look listen to my dad and grandpa talk. I hear my dad tell my grandfather this is the first time driving a trailer this big and he should give us "some instructions on that blind spot." With Kristen and her "riding cap" we head off.

His instructions went about like this: "see that [points out the right mirror], watch that" and he hands over the wheel to my sister who frequently tunes out instructions. WTF. Yeah.

She takes it around the 3 mile loop (which is like a 4 or 5 mile road with no lines) and  then we switch and do it again. Apparently we were watching whatever we were supposed to be watching okay and then Kristen pulls into a church parking lot and just about destroys the shrubs. That's when I take back over. At this point we had turned around and started going the other way...left turns :). My grandpa says, "Bit, come over a little you are gon' hit so-and-so's mailbox." So I say, "Thanks I did not wanna clip it."

The southern man sitting next to me looked like he was about to crap his pants, "Clip it hell, you just about took the aluminum off the slide of my trailer."



Woops. Guess those left turns are a little trickier than I thought, huh. I was not invited to South Dakota next year.